


this ain't for the best

by clarxe



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Celebrity AU, F/F, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:07:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarxe/pseuds/clarxe
Summary: Where is Lexa Woods? Rumor has it, she has quit the entertainment industry and been living away from the spotlight. Read to find out more below.Lexa Woods, one of today’s most successful artists has disappeared from the spotlight after the continuous rumor after rumor of her life. Truth is, she just wants a break from it all and show her dedication to a girl that made her rethink it all.aka: another celebrity au





	1. ocean blue eyes looking in mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello and welcome! I wanna start off by saying thank you for at least clicking on this story and giving it a try! Next, I started writing this story probably late December of 2017 but school, work, and life kept me busy to write. I promise the next update is not going to take that long. Lastly, this story is inspired by Taylor Swift's album reputation (especially delicate and call it what you want). While i know not everyone is Taylor's biggest fans, this story is just loosely based off it.  
> enjoy!

Early May 2017

**_Where is Lexa Woods? Rumor has it, she has quit the entertainment industry and been living away from the spotlight. Read to find out more below._ **

_International superstar Lexa Woods seemed to have disappeared from the spotlight. The last time she was officially seen in public was at the Grammy Awards three months ago where she brought home three out of four nominations for the Grammy’s for her hit song “Getting Over You” and album of the same name “Getting Over You” dedicated to all the women she had dated, which released August of 2015 then going on tour for eight straight months around the world. Since the award show, she has stopped posting on social media such as Instagram and twitter. Just a three weeks ago, all her social media sites has been wiped clean. The deletion of her social media content has led to speculation that Lexa Woods has quit the industry while she is seemingly still on top._

_Woods often releases a new album every two years around fall but many fans are worrying that they are not getting a new album this year or at all. Many fans started to show their newfound dislike with Lexa Woods for quitting all the sudden, some say they don’t care and will wait, and others say they will stand by Woods’ side no matter what the decision is._

_The past year was not an easy one for Woods as she jumped from girlfriend to another within the first five months of the year, she settled down with her most serious and publicized relationship with Costia Green where they dated for six months and Green has been rumored to have cheated on her. Although, Green denied ever cheating on her and rebutted the story back to Woods and how she was the one who cheated. This was soon falsified with the leak pictures of Costia Green kissing a different woman at the time she and Lexa were dating while there is no proof that Woods ever cheated. Rival enemy Ontari Azgeda also attacked Woods for being a “slut”. It’s speculated that the feud started when rumors between Lexa and Samantha Queen were speculated by the media to be seeing each other early last year. We have tried to reach out to her team and record label but no one has responded back to our team._

_For the meanwhile, Woods was allegedly spotted by a fan back in her hometown in Alexandria, Virginia a month ago. She was also allegedly spotted by another source to be seen at South Orange County in California two days ago. These are only speculations due to the blurriness of the photos. The whereabouts of Lexa Woods is speculated due to the unknown woman by her side at both pictures seemingly looking like the same person at both locations. Some paparazzi reported with our team that Lexa’s Beverly Hills house has been unoccupied—_

“Lexa,” The sound of her girlfriend’s tired voice echoes within the dark room, only the laptop light emitting a bright light towards Lexa’s face and soft dim on surrounding objects including the sheets covering a body on the bed.

Lexa looks down to her left from her sitting position to the body next to her. Her girlfriend, Clarke. A pair of arms wraps around her stomach, her shirt slowly rides up and feels a pair of lips kiss the side of her stomach.

“Stop reading that bullshit and cuddle me,” Clarke’s soft and sleepy voice muttered on Lexa’s stomach, her fingers playing with the hem of Lexa’s sleepshirt and slowly making its way to her bellybutton and resting her hand there.

A giggle comes out of Lexa’s lips, her fingers leaving the laptop’s trackpad and towards her girlfriend’s hand to grasp it out of her ticklish stomach. Their fingers intertwined immediately, looking at each other’s sleepy eyes.

Lexa’s free hand shuts the laptop shut and places it on the nightstand. She lifts the blanket and tucks herself in to lay down next to Clarke. Her arm extends towards Clarke’s body and Clarke instantly props her body up and over Lexa’s extended arm and pushes her face towards Lexa’s neck.

“I love you,” they say simultaneously and a small chuckle releases out of both girls from the simultaneous admission of love.

“Go back to sleep, okay?” Lexa whispers and caresses Clarke’s soft hair.

“Sing to me” Clarke mutters and closes her eyes.

Lexa hums a soft melody, eyes never leaving Clarke’s peaceful face.

Lexa hums a familiar melody, singing a little bit of the lyrics. “ _I don’t know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first, fearless_ ” Lexa softly sings, hums the rest of the song, and soon she falls asleep in the sound of her lullaby and Clarke’s comforting breathing against her body.

Their fingers intertwined throughout the night and until they woke up.

* * *

Late November 2016

“Hello, welcome,” the bartender greets as Lexa walks in at 1:30 in the morning on a Tuesday at an unknown dive bar at West Hollywood.

Lexa looks around first and gives a small smile to herself, glad that there was nobody at the bar except for the bartender to serve her. She takes off the hood from her oversized hoodie and runs her fingers through her hair to fix it.

“Still open?” Lexa asks the bartender who just put her book away to give her full attention to the customer. Lexa pulls the stool and thoroughly assumes they are still open because the bartender was not cleaning up.

“Yeah, we’re open until 3 actually” the bartender pushes a menu towards Lexa and pulls a couple of glasses and cleans to keep herself busy while Lexa looks at the menu.

“Perfect,” Lexa takes a glance at the menu and notices the shoestring fries that looked delicious. “I’ll take the shoestring fries and a mojito to start”

“Coming right up,” the bartender takes the menu and drops them on the menu pile and yells towards the kitchen to make shoestring fries then proceeds to start making the drink.

Lexa watches the bartender make a classic mojito drink carefully, she pretends to busy herself on her phone but she’s discretely watching the bartender do work. When she watched the bartender finish, her eyes glue back down on her phone back to the recent article she had just opened.

 _‘Lexa Woods is **not**  a role model for any LGBT’ _published by an LGBT website that just made Lexa’s heart drop.

Lexa reads among the lines of how she gives LGBT community a bad reputation for dating too much.

“One mojito right here” The bartender placed a napkin then the drink on the counter table in front of Lexa then drops utensils for her food.

Lexa nodded a small thank you and picked up her drink to take a small sip. She noticed how the bartender stood in front of her, eyes glancing down at her phone. Lexa clicked on the side of the phone to close the screen. She bites her lip and places her phone facing down. Lexa looks away in embarrassment.

“You shouldn’t read those. It’s trash.” The bartender took a deep breath after speaking, she bit her lips before speaking again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy but that article is utter bullshit. Trust me, seeing the title is already bullshit”

“What do you think about me then?” It came out like a whisper, almost not wanting to know but she’s drawn to know what the bartender thinks.

The girl took a deep sigh, looking around first then makes strong eye contact with Lexa. “I’m a big fan but I’m not gonna jump you or anything. I think the media is too much up your ass and won’t leave you alone. They don’t see you as a person and follows your every move not to see you succeed but they watch to see you fall. To answer your question, I think you’re human. You make mistakes like me and everyone… you just happen to have all eyes on you when you make mistakes”

Lexa smiles shyly, dropping her gaze from the cute bartender’s to her glass, not realizing how she’s been playing with the glass the who time.

“Thank you” Lexa looks back up and notices the bartender’s cautious gaze to be careful then change to a proud smile. “I really appreciate it. What’s your name?”

“You’re welcome. I’m Clarke,” Clarke gives a small smile. Clarke pushes her arm forward for a shake, “Nice to meet you, Lexa”

“Nice to meet you too, Clarke” Lexa takes Clarke’s hand and shakes it.

“Let me go check on those shoestring fries for you”

Lexa returns the following Tuesday morning at exactly 1:30 in the morning again. She debated on going last Thursday night because she needed a drink but didn’t want to see anyone else behind the bar besides Clarke. Tonight, she finds Clarke behind the counter reading a textbook for one of her classes to pass time and be productive at the same time.

Clarke learns from their small conversations last week that Clarke attends UCLA. She’s a fourth-year student, studying pre-med, and proud to be on the Dean’s list every semester. She learns that she’s a California native being born and raised in South OC, only an hour or two-hour drive from LA depending on traffic.

Clarke is charming. She knows how to treat her customers (well, Lexa, at least) with her engaging conversations that made Lexa leave her celebrity life and just be a normal human for once. At the end of the night, Lexa tips Clarke 100% of the bill, Clarke makes sure that Lexa takes an uber or cab home, making sure that the tipsy brunette was not spontaneously walking home at 3 in the morning despite the mention of three-mile radius. She wishes her a good night and tells her to get home safe and Lexa reciprocates. Lexa looks at the back of the car to see Clarke watch the car she’s at drive away then sees Clarke open her own car.

While Lexa wants to tell Clarke about her own personal life, she had a feeling that either Clarke already knew about it since her entire biography is printed online or she would lose the little privacy that she already had.

“Hey Lexa,” Clarke folds a little bit of the top right of the page she was reading the closed it. She gave her full attention to Lexa by standing where Lexa had just sat across. “What shall it be tonight?”

“Just a beer, I drove here so nothing too heavy”

“You came here just to have a beer?” Clarke reaches underneath the counter and pulls a chilled glass. “What kind do you want?”

“Stella please,” Lexa responds, watching Lexa walk to the taps and pours the alcohol into the glass. “What can I say, the customer service here is good” Lexa gives a small smirk and wink that Clarke had caught. She noticed how fast Clarke retreated her head back to the taps and didn’t realize the alcohol overflowing, drowning her hand.

“Heh,” Clarke scoffs but hides a smile, she gives the glass to Lexa and wipes her hand with the rag on the side of the counter.

 “So, I really enjoyed our conversations last week. What stories can you tell me today?” Lexa starts, focusing her attention towards Clarke. While Clarke was a regular college student, she was still the most interesting part of her week despite all the social events that she goes to.

“Uhm… Let’s see…” Clarke readjusts her fingers on her chin and taps to think then a huge smile and laugh came from her lips. Lexa starts to think that she just witnessed the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and Lexa had seen many beautiful things on the world.

“There’s this guy in my class,” Clarke drops her forehead to her palm and continues to laugh. “He came up to me during our class break with a cocky attitude and asked me on a date.”

 _‘Ah shit, she’s straight… maybe bi?’_ Lexa internally though, showing no outward expression to Clarke’s story so far. Lexa doesn’t even know why she’s questioning Clarke’s sexuality. Sure, the girl is beautiful but she wouldn’t want to bring Clarke into her celebrity world.

“So, I said yes because why not. We planned a date on Friday night” Clarke started, “That same night I went to a party and I spotted him and a girl kissing” Clarke let out a disgusted scoff to add tone to her voice. “I confronted him. Long story short, that was his girlfriend of two months he tried to cheat on, he left with beer poured all over him and me making out with the ex-girlfriend.” Clarke lets out another small laugh to reminisce her chaotic night. “So that was my night last night”

“Insane,” Lexa commented. “Glad to know you made a night out of it. So, I take it you’re bi?”

Clarke gives a small nod, keeping eye contact with Lexa. “And you, as a gay woman, I’m sure you’re glad to hear that”

“Oh yeah” Lexa takes a small sip, “Girls are… just so much better”

“Agreed. I lean towards women more because men are so… you know?”

“I know what you mean, Clarke”

“Oh well, I should’ve rejected him in the first place. Dude needs a reality check on asking people out” Clarke raised her eyebrow and let out a sigh. “What about you? Dating anyone recently?”

Lexa lets out a small hum debating if she should answer that or not.

“Wait, sorry. I didn’t mean to ask you, that was too forward of me to ask” Clarke licked her lip and stared at Lexa directly. Lexa captured her eye contact sensing the concern and apology from Clarke’s eyes. Damn, she had never seen that color blue before.

“No, it’s—” Lexa started only to be cut off again.

“I wasn’t thinking when I asked” Lexa noticed Clarke’s elbows resting on the counter following to her arms and hands where she sees her fingers intertwined fidgeting in place. “I’m sure the media harass you too much and you don’t need some bartender asking the same question. Sorry for invading your privacy”

Lexa was awestruck by Clarke’s apology. No one has ever apologized for being too forward asking about her personal life. It was always the question. Lexa answers whether it’s a good response or not, then the interviewer either bugs her more or moves on from the topic.

Lexa gives a small smile and puts a hand on top of Clarke’s intertwined, fidgeting fingers to stop her from being nervous. “It’s okay” Lexa voices her politeness. “I’m used to it”

Clarke’s fingers move slowly, Lexa loves the feeling on fingers moving inside her palm. It was somewhat relaxing. “You shouldn’t be used to it”

“I know but that’s how my world is” Lexa let out an annoyed huff. “I don’t blame them, I have dated a lot of people so curiosity gets into them and asks who I’m dating next or who I’m dating next that will fall victim to my song writing or something along those lines.”

“They make you sound like a predator”

“Yeah well… I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while now just to focus on my career. I don’t think I can ever escape the media.”

The sound of the bell on the door chimes and immediately, their hands untangle from each other. Lexa pulls on her hoodie and takes another sip of her beer. She can feel her hands tingling from caressing the nervous hands earlier. She can hear Clarke’s voice softly echo to greet the new customer who orders a whiskey neat. Clarke walks near Lexa to grab the whiskey, a soft smile to Lexa then proceeds to do her job and back to the other customer.

Now that Lexa thinks about it, she wonders why she’s so invested in the girl’s life.

Clarke is just so caring and generous. She’s so human that it makes Lexa feels human too.

Lexa glances a little bit to where Clarke stood, all the way at the end of the bar and chats up the man who orders a whiskey neat.

The other customer strikes up a conversation with Clarke and Lexa can’t help but feel jealous. There was a small smile on Clarke’s face towards the man. At that moment, Lexa can see the difference between Clarke’s customer service smile and the smile she gives to Lexa. Although, Lexa was unsure if it was because she was a celebrity or Clarke was, maybe, interested in her.

While Lexa wants to push the idea of pursuing a relationship with the bartender she only met twice but there was just something about Clarke that makes her feel relaxed even if it’s the wee hours of dawn and she had outings to do in a couple hours.

Clarke walks back to Lexa to reach the POS system, punches in an order. Clarke gives another smile and the light from the tablet screen really brightened up Clarke’ eyes. The dim setting of the bar didn’t do Clarke’s eyes any justice. Lexa can only wonder what they look like under the sun or waking up in the morning to find the morning rays filtering through the curtains looking at her blue eyes. Clarke walks back to the gentleman.

Lexa finds a pen behind the counter. She pushes her almost empty glass of beer off the napkin it was resting on. She’s suddenly finding positive inspiration on writing compared to her more recent attempts of writing.

 _‘Ocean blue eyes_  
_Looking in mine_  
_I feel like I might_  
_Sink and drown and die’_

Clarke returns and leans on the counter with her elbows and fingers intertwined with each other. Lexa pulls the napkin towards herself and hides it under her elbow. 

“Anything else I can get for you?” It comes out as a whisper from Clarke’s lips. It was raspy. It sounded so sexy.

“Just the check, thank you”

“On the house. Don’t worry about it” Clarke raises a hand to stop Lexa.

“No, let me pay for it” Lexa reaches to grab her bag and pulls out her wallet. Looking back at Clarke, she finds Clarke’s eyes drifted on the used napkin. She uses two fingers two twist the napkin to face her and read the lyrics that were recently composed.

“Inspiration?” Clarke flips it back and pushes it towards Lexa. Lexa gives a soft nod as she takes the napkin and folds it to place it inside her bag. “So, someone caught your eye then?”

Lexa was all the sudden confused because just earlier Clarke apologized for being too forward. Now, here she was being forward once again. It doesn’t bother Lexa though. There was a teasing hint on Clarke’s voice and understood that she can either answer or not answer Clarke at all.

“A little bit” Lexa whispers and dives into Clarke’s ocean blue eyes. “I’ve been having a writer’s block so I’m trying to write remotely anything”

Lexa can easily tell that they were subtly flirting with each other. There was no foul in that but she reminds herself to be careful to step back into the dating scene. Another would be bringing someone into the Hollywood industry. For now, she holds on to moment but probably won’t go all the way in.

Lexa pulls out a 50-dollar bill then pushes her stool out.

“Have a good night, Clarke”

* * *

It’s the fourth consecutive week that Lexa drops by on a Tuesday morning at exactly 1:30 AM. Lexa feels and knows that they have chemistry and mutual pinning for each other. The lingering heart eyes at random pauses of their conversation to look at each other. The feeling of their fingers shyly dancing around the counter together. Their conversations flow out easily once they start.

Lexa somewhat starts to understand what it’s like to pin over someone that she must get to know instead of reading their biography on IMDB. 

At the same time, Clarke is a stranger and a fan. Celebrities tend to avoid dating fans because they never know if they love you as who you are as a person or who you are as a figure. For all Lexa knows, this is all Clarke’s ploy to get closer to her and use Lexa’s spotlight. It’s not the most uncommon thing for people who she lets in to her life.

Lexa falls too hard, too fast. That’s why she has dated so many people.

While she’s sworn off dating since Costia, she was falling so hard for Clarke. A part of her screams to go for it while most of her screams that this relationship is only going to end in a disaster.

A small cough intended to grab Lexa’s attention came from Clarke. Lexa gave Clarke her full attention, closing her phone midway replying to her manager, and pushes it face down.

“So uhm…” Clarke starts, “You’ve been tipping me like 100% of the bill and I’ve been saving the money. I was wondering if…” Lexa sense the anxiety on Clarke voice. Clarke drops the eye contact to look down and lick her lips. “I was wondering if you want to go out sometime? Like—like a date?” Clarke looks back up.

Lexa opened her mouth slightly, almost immediately wanting to say yes but she doesn’t say anything. She thinks back to her thought about dating anyone outside Hollywood. She closes her mouth ready to reject even if she didn’t want to.

“Ignore me. Ignore what I just said. I just thought that maybe you felt the same way but I think I’m just seeing things,” Clarke breaks the eye contact and then busies herself by grabbing a rag and cleans her station even if it didn’t need any cleaning.

“Hey,” Lexa whispers just enough to grab Clarke’s attention to stop cleaning. “You’re not wrong. There are definitely feelings.” She whispers it. The way she spoke made it so real and intimate. Lexa catches Clarke’s sad eyes and she gives a soft smile. “I like you a lot too, Clarke, but there’s just a lot of complications if we ever start this. Celebrity relationships never last and I don’t want that for you”

Clarke closes her eyes and nods to herself in a disappointed acceptance, “You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s just forget this ever happened”

Lexa chugs the rest of her beer in nervousness of not knowing what to say to ease the awkwardness that now surrounded them both in the empty bar. Only the white noise of multiple televisions easing the silence.

“Another beer?” Clarke whispers to break the tension. Lexa pushes her empty glass to be taken away and nods. She avoids eye contact, she only sees Clarke’s hand take the glass then works by the taps to pour a new glass. Lexa looks up for a second to see Clarke’s sad eyes.

Her heart aches to be closer and comfort the broken-hearted girl.

Clarke places the fresh glass of beer in front of Lexa, “I’m gonna be over there reading some material for my afternoon test tomorrow. It’s our first exam and I’ve heard bad things about Professor Tsing’s biochem exams. Just call me if you need anything” Clarke pointed towards the chair that sat between the entrance of the kitchen and the bar station itself.

“Okay,” Lexa whispers. She pulls out her phone and checks her schedule for the month. A couple of appearances and recording booth appointments. The sole problem is that she’s about 6 months into a writer’s block. She has some small verses written and some 10 second melodies recorded on her phone, but nothing is working to connect everything together to put together a good enough song.

Even then, the songs are coming out as depressing.

With the anticipation of Lexa’s fifth album coming up by the end of September, she’s not even sure if she can put an album together. Even if she did, the album would mean nothing and be mediocre at best with thrown in lyrics and melodies. This would be her downfall as she’s known for having a wide array of songwriting styles and genre and still be Lexa Woods.

For all she knows, it’s going to a melancholic album.

Lexa looks back down at her schedule and sees that she’s in New York for a couple of appearances all next week.

“Actually, I’m gonna turn in for the night.” Lexa pulls out her wallet and drops a fifty-dollar bill to pay for the expenses and tip.

“Oh, okay” Lexa jumps off the stool and readies herself to leave.

“Will you be back next week?” Clarke asks as she creases her book to mark where she’s at and put it down. She stands and walks to the counter. Lexa is seeing that Clarke is hoping that their friendship at least remains.

“Not next week, unfortunately” Lexa pulls her coat on and drapes her bag on her shoulder. She sees all the hope in Clarke’s eyes disappear. Lexa fixes the situation, “I’ll be back in two weeks, I’m at New York next week so I won’t be able to get a drink from here.” Lexa shows a soft reassuring smile.

“Okay. See you then.” Clarke smiles back and falls silent to let Lexa leave.

“I’ll see you around, Clarke” Lexa pushes the door open to leave when she stops, “and good luck on your exam tomorrow”

It’s 6 AM in the morning and Lexa has been at home drinking tea to get herself to fall asleep and stop thinking about Clarke for the last three hours.

There’s an internal pros and cons chart in her mind. The pros, no matter how short the list is, outweighs the cons in pursuing Clarke. There was just this connection that Lexa felt, the way butterflies in her stomach would not settle down, and how she’s always just smiling when Clarke is seemingly herself in front of Lexa (except for when Lexa broke Clarke’s heart by saying no to a date earlier).

Just then, Lexa erased all the cons of dating Clarke from her mind. She wants to give her and Clarke a try. Many celebrities date people not in the industry, why not her?

At the end of a typical busy week, Lexa’s Tuesday mornings takes out all the stress and just unwinds with a good drink and a pretty girl for conversation. Lexa craves more of it.  

It’s a risk, but at 6AM in the morning, Lexa grabs her laptop and open’s UCLA website and starts researching.

Lexa remembers the small details about Clarke’s examination tomorrow morning: 1. Wednesday afternoon. 2. Biochemistry. And 3. Someone named Professor Tsing.

Lexa smiles to herself as she puts pieces together.

It’s 6:30 in the morning, her body is heavy but satisfied. She sets an alarm for a couple hours of sleep before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs used this chapter:  
> Fearless - Taylor Swift  
> Gorgeous - Taylor Swift
> 
> apologies for any mistakes! I hope you liked it so far! I'm working my best most night to write what I can while i'm still on break from school! I do have a general outline and idea on this story. I'm looking at around 5-10 chapters!  
> May we meet again!


	2. oh damn, never seen that color blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! i'm so elated that so many of you guys liked the first chapter! I hope this one doesn't disappoint! 
> 
> There's a lot of taylor swift reputation easter eggs or references that I used as inspiration for this story. I'll point them out at the end of the chapter.

Late December 2016

Clarke should’ve asked Lexa on a date after her exams. Wait, scratch that. Clarke should not have asked Lexa Woods on a date in the first place. It just so happens that she made it harder for herself to study for her upcoming exam. Lexa and the rejection became a distraction in her head.

Clarke gave up on all hopes of sleep when she attempted to have at least a couple of hours of sleep. Instead she’s hunch over her desk reading the same page again and again without retaining to memory.

Last night was a disaster in Clarke’s mind. She was a little too confident that Lexa would say yes after all the flirting and small touches on the bar counter. Clarke was so sure that Lexa felt the same—and she was right—just not entirely. While Clarke was confident, there was always going to be a lingering feeling of rejection but of course she just had to make a fool of herself.

But Lexa had told Clarke that she wasn’t wrong with her feelings and how she perceived Lexa’s feelings. In fact, Lexa confessed about her feelings as well and while it made heart swell in happiness, it popped from the fact that Lexa is probably never going to let Clarke in.

Who was she kidding, anyway? Lexa Woods is a high-profile celebrity that has a huge following. She probably doesn’t know who to trust nowadays. Clarke believes she’s trustworthy and humbly wants to know Lexa but that isn’t how it works in the world of celebrities.

As dawn turns into morning, Clarke decides that it’s better to have a change of setting rather than holing herself in her room in attempts to study and go to the campus library to focus on studying. Clarke takes a shower throws in dark jeans and some nikes, packs her stuff and leaves her room.

“Hey,” Clarke’s roommate, Raven Reyes, greets. “You’re up early today”

“Big test. Remember?” Clarke picks up a saran wrapped half apple in their fridge and unwraps the fruit to eat. “Haven’t gotten a wink of sleep trying to study”

“Oh yeah, good luck on your test!” Raven flashed her typical Raven smile and was about to walk out but then stopped. “I almost forgot to ask, how did it go with Lexa Woods last night?” Raven shimmies her way through with her leg brace carefully ready to hug Clarke about the news but only to drop herself when Clarke only gives a forced smile. “Oh, sweetie”

“No, it’s okay. It was by a longshot anyway so I kind of already accepted it already. No big deal, honestly” Clarke lunged her bag on her shoulder. “How about we do a movie night tonight then? I’ll order pizza and buy ice cream for later. My treat” Clarke smiles as she thinks of where to invest that huge sum of money that Lexa had been tipping her.

“You are my love. I’m down” Raven giddily says and shoos Clarke off to head out.

Clarke heads down her apartment building, starts her ten-minute walk to the main campus while listening to music on her iPhone on shuffle. She hears a familiar beat and was about to skip to the next song, but Lexa’s voice was fantastic, and she could not bring herself to press next.

_‘Lips meet teeth and tongue_  
_My heart skips eight beats at once,  
If we were meant to be, we would have been by now’_

* * *

Clarke stretches her entire body from her library seat as she checked the time. It’s exam time. It’s more than enough time to walk through campus and get some last-minute information in before the exams start itself.

If Clarke were to rate how prepared she is for this exam… it would probably be three out of ten. Even if Clarke managed to get some more studying done, she still can’t get Lexa out of her head. The more she thinks about it, the more she just wants to blow herself off because her never ending embarrassment.

As Clarke gets off the elevator and draws near her classroom, she spots a figure wearing an inconspicuous outfit holding flowers. The person looks around the hallway until they spot Clarke. The person stops leaning on the wall and just stares.

Clarke walks down the hallway to her classroom, passing by the figure, and then stops when she hears her name from the person.

A soft, melodic, familiar voice that echoes through her ears.

Clarke looks at the figure now in front of her, the person takes off their sunglasses and pulls down the hood of their hoodie and Clarke was utterly shocked to see Lexa of all people. Then again, she wasn’t really expecting anybody, so anyone would have been a shock, but having Lexa behind the disguise was even more shocking to her honestly.

“Lexa? What the hell are you doing here?” Clarke pulls up Lexa’s sunglasses and hood back on to remain inconspicuous to the upcoming passersby by the end of the hall. Clarke was scrambling to get it back on to keep Lexa hidden.

“Ow, you poked my eye” Lexa takes hold on her right eye that was poked by the end of her sunglasses.

“Uh…” Clarke starts to panic because: first, she didn’t want people to see Lexa Woods holding flowers in campus. Second, she just poked Lexa’s eye. Third: she has a test in about 15 minutes. So yeah, Clarke is just about ready to die.

Clarke glances at the classroom right across from her classroom. When she sees nobody inside, she pulls Lexa with her to the empty classroom and release a small sigh of release to ease one of her many problems.

“Let me look at your eye,” Clarke takes hold on the Lexa’s hand that was nursing the injured eye. Lexa drops her hold on her eyes and lets Clarke took a closer look. Clarke notices how Lexa’s eyeliner smudged everywhere from Lexa cradling her eye and a few tears threatening to spill out. “You’re such a baby. The sunglasses didn’t hit your eye, just the eyelid”

“But it hurts,” Lexa blinks her eyes a couple of time to readjust. “You’re right, I’m a baby, I’ll be fine”

“Why are you even here?” Clarke asks as she leans back on a table and crosses her arms, “How do you even know my classroom?”

“Well, you mentioned biochemistry and Professor Tsing, so I kind of used that to search your class on the catalog” Lexa awkwardly shrugs it as if it was no big deal. Beautiful, light pink roses with baby’s breath floral bouquet in between from Lexa’s chest pushed towards Clarke. “I think I made a mistake saying no to you last night”

“Wha—?” Clarke starts but Lexa immediately stops her.

“I only had like 2 hours of sleep last night thinking about you. I should have given us a chance. I shouldn’t have had just close the possibility of us just like that. Not when there is a real connection between us. Last night, I regret breaking your heart” Clarke felt a soft touch on her cheek and feels a strand of hair pushed behind her ear. “You’re so beautiful, Clarke”

Clarke blushed at the compliment, she smiled and lowered her head in giddy. “If it makes you feel better, I had like 2 minutes of sleep last night. I had to study, and I couldn’t get you off my mind” Clarke chuckles to herself then looks up at Lexa who drops her smile of attraction and turns into a frown of regret.

“Clarke, that does not make me feel any better!” Lexa throws a mini tantrum with a small pout, but Clarke just laughs at the sight of seeing this side of Lexa—this natural carefree side that the media never focuses or portray on. Clarke loves this side and she wants to get to know Lexa as herself, not what the media portrays her to be.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stress you out” Clarke smiles and pushes her thumb to clean the area near Lexa’s temple of the smudged eyeliner. “You’re cute,” Clarke mentions as she finishes cleaning the smudge but never letting her fingers stop touching Lexa’s porcelain face.

“I’m sorry for distracting you from studying but I hope you do good today.”

“At least I’m going to be riding high on my test. I don’t even care anymore,” Clarke chuckles and she drops her hand from Lexa’s face and grips the bouquet with both hands and smells the floral scent of the pretty pink flowers.

“You will do good. I believe in you.” Lexa caresses Clarke’s cheek and then leans in to kiss the other cheek making Clarke blush hard. “Good luck kiss,” Lexa then whispers softly on Clarke’s ear. “You’ll get more when you pass that exam”

Clarke feels Lexa pull back. Clarke nods in determination to do the best she can on her test.

“My number is on the card,” Lexa points at the envelope sticking in the middle of the bouquet with Clarke’s name on the outside. Clarke holds her gaze on the nice penmanship on her name. The way Lexa wrote is feels the same as when Lexa would say her name with the clicking of the ‘k’ on her name. “Text or call me, okay?”

Clarke nods in agreement. “I’ll contact you,” Clarke takes hold of Lexa’s hand, intertwining their fingers together then Clarke feels Lexa give a small squeeze.

“Good luck,” Lexa gives a genuine smile.

They walk out the classroom together after making sure Lexa was back in her disguise. Clarke sees Lexa give her one long lasting look before letting go of her hand. Clarke takes in that one more smile for good luck, reciprocating a smile back then walks in late to her classroom with a goofy smile and flowers on hand.

Clarke receives several glances from their test but ignores it because she’s just at her happiest in the longest time.

Overall, Clarke believes that she did her best on the exam to at least get a C, which is a passing grade. She can’t wait to cash in that kiss from Lexa.

Lexa on the other hand, heads outside the building smiling like a goof. She sits down at one of the benches and pulls out her small notebook and pen that she always carries for times when songwriting inspiration strikes.

Hums of a small tune comes out that she starts to find catchy. Lexa draws music bars and writes the notes that accompanies her hum’s tune.

_‘Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you_  
_Oh damn, never seen that color blue_  
Just think of the fun things we could do  
‘Cause I like you’

Lexa heads home for the rest of the day and starts working on her new song.

**_Clarke  
_ ** _4:15 PM_

_You consider a C passing right? If so I would like to cash in that kiss soon_

**_Lexa_**  
_4:15 PM_

_C = peck on the lips_  
_B = a full kiss_  
_A = make out session_  
_Need to take you out on a date first though before you cash in ;)_

**_Clarke_**  
_4:16 PM_

_Should’ve told me the kissing criteria, I would’ve injured myself first so I can ditch the test and study more :\_

_You said you’ll be in New York next week, right?_

_My off nights are Wednesday and Thursday nights_

**_Lexa_**  
_4:16 PM_

_I should be back by next Wednesday night. Thursday night sounds good?_

**_Clarke_**  
_4:16 PM_

_Can’t wait. <3_

* * *

Thursday night

**_Lexa_**  
_6:56 PM_

_Paparazzi following me. Will probably be a little late. Need to shake them off a bit._

Clarke reads the message as she sits down the table the host provided, asking for the back of the restaurant for the sake of hers and Lexa’s privacy.

“Thank you. She’s running a little late” Clarke explains to the host.

Another 15 minutes passes by with Clarke just staring at the menu. The waitress comes by to check on her, but Clarke had to reexplain that her party should be arriving soon.

Ten minutes later, Clarke receives a message from Lexa.

**_Lexa  
_ ** _7:22 PM_

_Literally cannot shake paparazzi off._

_I don’t want them to see us_

_We can go to my home though, I can cook something for us_

**_Clarke  
_ ** _7:22 PM_

_It’s okay._

_Send me your address_

Clarke admits that she’s a little frustrated that she had to wait almost 30 minutes for Lexa, but she couldn’t blame her. She knew that this is what she signed up for when she asked Lexa on a date. If they ever become official, Clarke knew what troubles they had to eventually face with Lexa’s status.

Clarke calls her waitress. She apologized for taking up a table and just hands her a twenty-dollar bill for her trouble.

Clarke starts heading out and hops on to her car as she routes her directions from downtown to Beverly Hills.

Clarke receives a call from Lexa halfway through the drive and puts her on speaker.

“Hello?” Clarke begins

“Hey, Clarke, I forgot to ask you. Is your car tinted?”

“Uhhh… I think so. Why?”

“I have some paparazzi outside. Most of them already left since it’s night and I don’t leave much once I get home. I just want to make sure they don’t see you,”

Clarke was at disbelief, “You have paparazzi just outside your home? Is that even legal?”

“Yeah, they just hang around and wait for me to come out then follow me or whatsoever. I’ve had guests come over and they don’t pay them any mind, but I just want to be sure with you. Once the gates are closed, we have privacy. I don’t want to drag you into this mess” Lexa sighs at the reality of her life.

“Well, if it eases your mind, I have spare sunglasses and a cap I can wear to make sure”

“Please,” Lexa approves. “Call me when you’re outside the gate, I’ll open it for you”

“Got it,”

“Drive safe!”

Lexa hangs up and Clarke continues to pay attention on the road.

Clarke starts reaching the hills and notices how these houses were getting fancier and fancier the more she climbed up. To be honest, Clarke was used to seeing luxury houses, she did grow up in South Orange County. Her dad being a high rank engineer, and her mom being a high rank doctor. She managed to live luxuriously at the wealthy neighborhood suburbs. Her childhood home was nothing compared to these homes though. These houses were triple and more than the amount of her home.

Clarke reaches her destination. There were a bunch of bushes and just a fancy gate. She calls Lexa and soon the gate opens for her to drive her car on the long driveway. Clarke stares at awe at Lexa’s mansion, slightly getting more elevated. Clarke parks her car next to a white Maserati that she assumes is Lexa’s.

Clarke takes a giant breath before getting off her car. She saw Lexa open the main door, greets Clarke with a huge smile and wave, then slowly makes her way to greet Clarke.

“Hi,” Lexa says and she leans in and gives Clarke a kiss on the cheek and holds both her hands in hers. “Hope you got here fine”

“I did! I actually didn’t see any paparazzi like you said though” Clarke said, relieved. “Nice place you got here” Lexa holds both of Clarke’s hands in hers, smiling, unknowingly lovestruck.

“They camp in their cars. Sometimes I get fans too. I never take pictures with them outside my home though. It’ll only attract more people here and act like I’m some attraction.” Lexa’s smile drops at her sad reality but it’s her life.

They go inside the house, a small greeting room with some of Lexa’s distinguishing certificates hung up from her success. They start walking to the living room.

Clarke grips Lexa’s hand in hers a little tighter to offer her support in silence. “You deserve all the privacy just like any other human. Those people waiting for you to come out think they’re your fans or friends have no respect for you.” Clarke goes off in a small rant.

“Thank you, Clarke, I truly appreciate it,” Lexa smiles at her then faces towards the kitchen. “Stay here real quick, I’ll be right back” Lexa lets go of Clarke’s hand then heads inside the kitchen where she’s been prepping and cooking food.

Lexa grabs the wine glasses that she had prepped at the candle lit dining area then pours wine on both then taking it back out to the living room where she had left Clarke.

“Sorry, I’m still finishing up on cooking since this was last minute. Feel free to look around,” Lexa hands Clarke the glass of wine, clinking it together, then taking a sip. “Give me like twenty minutes just to finish, okay?”

“Alright,” Clarke agreed, initially because she noticed Lexa’s entire home intrigued her. She has never stepped inside a mansion before. Plus, that wall of awards Lexa has is calling her name to be looked at.

“I’ll call you when dinner is ready. Thank you for being patient with me,” Lexa leans forward to kiss Clarke’s cheek.

“Okay” Clarke whispers as Lexa pulls back, eyes never leaving Lexa as she retreats to the kitchen.

Clarke takes in the modern architecture of the home itself first. The house itself was basically enclosed in glass walls, high ceilings, and wide spaces with effortless flow from room to room. Clarke steps by the backyard and looks at Lexa’s backyard that features nothing short of spectacular view of Los Angeles. Clarke notices the lit fireplace with some outdoor seats to entertain guests. An infinity pool and jacuzzi that Clarke cannot wait to use… that is, if they continue to see each other. Their relationship is still very early.

Clarke turns her attention back inside as she sips her wine then looks at the wall with shelves that features all of Lexa’s awards. If Clarke were to count the amount of awards Lexa has, she would be here until next week.

Clarke sees that Lexa has her seven Grammy trophies on the center. The first dated back from 2010. Clarke can hardly believe that she’s just fifteen feet away from a seven-time Grammy winner.

Clarke finishes the glass of wine in her hand. A date with Lexa Woods is happening.

Clarke moved to the side of the living room to peek at Lexa in the kitchen pan frying something as it seems. Clarke checks her watch and notices that only a couple minutes had passed, and Clarke did not want to invade Lexa’s home too much.

With an empty wine glass and alcohol in her system, Clarke gained to courage to walk to the kitchen. Clarke stands back first and leans against the wall just watching Lexa. Lexa hums a tune that Clarke did not recognize.

“Hey,” Clarke starts just to get Lexa’s attention, no intention of startling Lexa but it still does.

“Hi,” Lexa places a hand on her chest in surprise that Clarke is behind her.

“Sorry, kinda just don’t know what to do,” Clarke walks over to the stove and looks over to see some beautifully pan-fried scallops. She’s sure she’s smelling some butter and herbs. Clarke cannot wait at all.

Lexa panics a little bit, “Ah, shit, this is bad. I’m sorry, this date has been horrible so far.”

“Oh no, no, no. That’s not what I meant,” Clarke grabs Lexa’s attention away from thinking this is a bad date so far. “I just meant… I want to spend time with you. I wanted to help you at the kitchen and drink some wine while I pretend to know what I’m doing and we’re talking at the same time”

Lexa bites her lips and closes her eyes, “I wanted to surprise you.”

“You don’t have to do that for me,”

“You’re right.” Lexa chuckles at her own silliness, “Alright, well, I’m done with all the cooking though,” Lexa turns off the stove, “Can you grab the plates on the dining area then”

“Of course,” Clarke turns to the dining area and noticed the dining area that was only lit by candle light, the city lights, and the kitchen’s lights. “Wow,” Clarke whispers to herself as she admires the beautiful décor of the table. Clarke grabs the two plates and walks back to the kitchen.

“Thank you,”

“You’re really set on impressing me, Lexa Woods”

“Pleasure is all mine,” Lexa grabs both plates and places it on the other side of the stove. She opens a pot and Clarke looks over to see risotto ready to serve.

“That looks amazing,” Clarke stands by Lexa’s side and puts and arm on her back to steady herself as she looks.

Lexa starts plating, diving the rice into equal portions then topping it off with the scallops. “This is one of my favorite dishes, I really hope you like it”

“I’m sure I will,” Clarke continues to eye the dish. She feels Lexa’s hand pull hers and they head to the dining area.

Lexa pulls out a chair for Clarke. Clarke sits down with Lexa pushing the chair in for Clarke. Lexa pulls out a lighter and lights the candle in the middle of the table to create a nice atmosphere.

Lexa walks back to the kitchen. Clarke looks to her right and sees the Lexa’s backyard and the nighttime view of Los Angeles.

“Dinner is served,” Lexa puts both plates down for them both and then grabs the wine and pours it on their glasses.

“I cannot believe this at all,” Clarke shakes her head in disbelief then she feels a hand reach for hers.

And so, they eat and they talk.

Topics are light and nothing too serious. It’s just first date etiquette to get to know each other first.

They move to the backyard where the Lexa had the fireplace open. They carried their wine glasses and the rest of the wine and sat comfortably together on patio sofas. Their fingers intertwined together and neither had a problem with it.

They had been talking for hours, both having a small list of questions in their heads that had led to them getting to know each other better. “What’s a typical Clarke Griffin day?” Lexa asks.

Clarke drinks the rest of her wine, “Well, school. Wake up early in the morning, get ready, study at the library, go to class, after class I just stay at my apartment I paint or draw or whatever, then go to work some nights. It’s my kind of stress relief.” Clarke nods to herself. “Since school is out for the winter break, I’m just relaxing, always checking my email to see if I get into any med schools, work, and seeing how things go with this pretty girl sitting in front of me” Clarke grins, elbows on the table, fingers crossing together and resting in on her own intertwined fingers. “What about you, Lexa?”

Being called just Lexa felt intimate. People would call Lexa with her last name as that is her brand.  _Lexa Woods._ For Clarke to ask her by her name felt natural.

“Well, that depends, sometimes I’m doing press release for my album, sometimes I’m on tour, most of the time I’m working on songs, appearances and such. Every day is different for me, there isn’t really a steady routine,” Lexa ponders on her irregular life.

“Well, that sounds better than some 9 to 5 job, right? Every day is an adventure”

Lexa nods and finishes off her wine as well, “That’s true,” looking out at the city where every day is a new day.

“Looks like we’re out of wine,” Clarke points at their empty glasses and wine bottle. “I really enjoyed tonight, Lexa,” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand as a silent thank you for the great evening together.

“I did too, Clarke,” Lexa looks over to her right where Clarke sat.

“I know I’m the one who technically asked you on a date and here you are treating me. Next time is on me. I don’t know how to top this, but I’ll think of something,” Clarke laughs at herself then realizing that Lexa was just silent. Clarke looks to her left where Lexa was just staring at her. “Oh, uh, that is… if you want another date,” Clarke silently adds hoping that she would get another… and another… and forever possibly.

“No, I would love another date!” Lexa rebuts but her face shows struggle with herself. “I just want to make sure that you’re on board for whatever this is that you’re signing up for.”

Clarke blinks, “I am. I’m so sure the moment I asked you. Are you?”

Lexa pulls her hands away from Clarke’s grip and stands up. “I don’t know, Clarke. I absolutely enjoyed this evening and I would love nothing more than to go on another date with you.”

Clarke stays seated and fiddling with her own fingers, “What’s stopping you then?”

“Me. My reputation.” Lexa admits no matter how much it hurts to say that she’s the problem. “I want you to know that I’m not exactly everyone’s best friend.  _Whatever you say, it’s not right. Whatever you do, it’s not enough. Your kindness is fake. Your pain is manipulative._ That’s what they say about me.” Lexa rants, almost yelling, getting everything out of her chest citing everything that the media had said about her.

Clarke knows what Lexa is talking about. She’s read bullshit articles.

_‘Lexa Woods speaks out about homophobia. Who elected her to be the LGBTQ representative. All she does is date, dump, and write songs about women’_

_‘Lexa Woods donated $50,000 to Trevor Project. Is it enough with the amount in her bank account?’_

_‘Lexa Woods and Costia Green. Publicity stunt?’_

Clarke remembers reading some certain article well and how it’s just a simple thing that gets too much unwanted attention.

Lexa bites her lip and Clarke sees her face tremble.

“I’ve been on the public eye since 15. I love every single moment doing what I love. But on the other side, my mistakes have been used against me, my heartbreaks used as entertainment, and my songwriting as oversharing”

Lexa stops, and tears flow down her face. Clarke stands up and grabs Lexa’s hand in hers. She remains silent not knowing how to go about with the situation. Lexa lets got of Clarke’s hand and then hugs her tightly around the wait and palms cupping the back of her shoulders.

“You’re okay. I got you.” Clarke whispers wrapping her own arms around Lexa.

“I’m sorry you’re on the receiving end of my rant. I don’t know who to trust with my feelings anymore.” Lexa wipes her tears by reaching up to her face. “I don’t know you in the moment personal and intimate level, but it feels easier to share this with people you don’t really know. I trust you in this weird… connective way I guess?”

Lexa pulls back from the hug but keeps her hands at Clarke’s waist.

“I’m just so tired of everyone twisting whatever I’m doing into something wrong” Lexa whispers and sighs. Defeated. She never left Clarke’s gaze though. Lexa found some sort or solace or oasis in them. The brightest blue waters in the desert.

“So yeah, this ain’t for the best… my reputation’s never been worst” Lexa sadly admits, ending her rant about her reputation.

“I like you for you.” Clarke serenely, almost angelic. “I want the girl that walked into some dive bar on the east side past midnight. We talked and we had this connection.”

Clarke takes Lexa’s face in her hands, bringing Lexa’s head down and kissing her forehead.

Lexa enjoys the feeling of soft lips. As Clarke pulls away, they gaze at each other.

Lexa leans in slowly taking Clarke’s soft lips into her own. Slowly, they deepen the kiss together. Lexa pulls back a little bit to catch her breath, Clarke feels her bottom lip tremble.

They part away.

“Thank you,” Lexa finds the words to give to her saving grace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs used:  
> Delicate - Taylor Swift (TS)  
> watch - Billie Eilish 
> 
> TS references:  
> -Dark jeans and nikes, "this ain't for the best, my reputation's never been worst", "I like you for you", "dive bar on the east side" references from the song Delicate  
> -Paparazzi outside Lexa's home is a reference to paparazzi always outside TS's New York apartment  
> -Ten Grammy awards, the first being from 2010 is the amount of awards TS received  
> -"Whatever you say, it’s not right. Whatever you do, it’s not enough. Your kindness is fake. Your pain is manipulative." taken from TS's poem _Why She Disappeared ___  
> -The bullshit articles are just the general bullshit articles that are always written about TS  
>  -“I’ve been on the public eye since 15. I love every single moment doing what I love. But on the other side, my mistakes have been used against me, my heartbreaks used as entertainment, and my songwriting as oversharing” taken (reworded) from TS's reputation prologue _Here's something I learned about people... ___
> 
> I'm going on vacation for a couple days, come back, write some more hopefully, then back to school! I'll get updates out and rolling when I can~ General outline idea of this story is done, just have to execute!
> 
> _One last thing -[Lexa's Bevery Hills home](https://vimeopro.com/interiorpixels/1201-laurel-way-beverly-hills-ca-ub) [Here also](https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/pmf,pf_pt/20522020_zpid/globalrelevanceex_sort/34.148607,-118.352022,34.036871,-118.483515_rect/12_zm/) _  
> Thank you again! I appreciate it very much!


	3. starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after 2 months i finally updated! sorry it took a while, i'm in my last semester of college and i am hella stressed, procrastinating, and awake from coffee right now
> 
> kinda proofread with grammarly but not everything. will fix tomorrow or next week.

Early January 2017

Lexa brings her champagne glass up to her lips then slightly glancing to her right past the sea of strangers where Clarke, Octavia, and Raven stood in the own circle, socializing with each other. Right on cue, Clarke looks to her left and sees Lexa looking at her, a smile hidden behind the champagne glass.

Clarke raises her glass slightly to give a toast from afar, and Lexa raises her eyebrow in return, not wanting anyone to see their interaction then Lexa returned her attention back to the group of acquaintances that are currently chatting.

They have been having their own secret glances towards each other but haven’t fully interacted. It’s been a little more than a week since they have seen each other. Their last being Clarke inviting Lexa over to their apartment to meet her best friends and roommates and simply hang out and spend time with each other. They both know that they will be spending the Christmas away from each other, so they spend as much time together before they are temporarily away from each other.

They had both decided to keep their relationship secret so far. Only a handful of people knew about them. Clarke had only told her roommates and best friends, Raven and Octavia. As for Lexa, she had only told Anya, her publicist, Indra, her manager, and Lincoln and Gustus, her bodyguards, so far. Apart from those people, no one else knew about them so far.

And Lexa had no plans to bring Clarke into her crazy world.

Tonight, Lexa managed to get Clarke and her friends invite to a New Year’s Eve party without bringing any attention to herself.

Lexa arrived late to the party at 11:30, just 30 minutes left until they ring in the new year. When Lexa walked in, all eyes were on her. Lexa had a look around the room, but her eyes always subtly landed on Clarke.

Clarke, Raven, and Octavia, on the other hand, have been partying since 9 o’clock. The group of three had been having the time of their life being invited to one of the biggest parties in Hollywood.

“Your girl literally blushes every time she looks over to you, Clarke,” Octavia bumps a shoulder towards Clarke. Clarke just shakes her head, looking down, and smiling to herself.

“O, Clarke literally does the same every time she glances at Lexa,” Raven chuckles as she finishes her drink. The duo had been teasing Clarke all night about how whipped the couple are for each other ever since they had met Lexa.

Just ten minutes before midnight, Clarke pulls out her phone from her purse and pulls out her messages with Lexa

 **_Clarke  
_ ** _11:50 PM_

_Meet at the room?_

Clarke smiles to herself as she presses send, she faces her friends and gives them a shy smile. Raven and Octavia already know, they already talked about how she and Lexa are to disappear midnight to a room that Lexa booked so that they can share a kiss on midnight.

Meanwhile, Lexa feels her phone that she clutched on her left hand vibrate. Lexa glances to where she last spotted Clarke and only saw Raven and Octavia. A glance of golden hair passed by towards the exit of the room. She says her excuse to the acquaintances that she was talking to, slipping out quickly before they ask other questions. Lexa nears the exit door and drowns the rest of her champagne and leaves it on the bar counter that she passes by.

Lexa reaches the elevator and waits patiently as the elevator starts to descend from the top floor to the 22nd. She wipes her slightly sweaty palms on her little black dress when inspiration suddenly hits her.

Lexa pulls out her phone and to her notes app.

_‘Our secret moments in a crowded room  
They’ve got no idea about me and you’_

Lexa whispers the lyrics to herself, finding it oddly satisfying

 _‘All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation_  
My hands are shaking from holding back from you.  
All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting  
My hands are shaking from holding back from all this’

“Holy shit,” Lexa whispers to herself as the ding of the elevator which indicated that she arrived at her floor took her attention away from her phone.

The lyrics that she had written speak true to her situation and heart. She almost can’t believe that she wrote that.

Lexa takes a last look at her phone for the time and sees that she only has 30 seconds until the clock strikes midnight, she shoves her phone back inside her purse and walks to the middle of the empty hallway until she reaches the room.

_‘10’_

Lexa starts her countdown, hands clammy, she starts to think she is going to be late for midnight.

_‘9’_

Lexa grabs the room key from her purse.

_‘8’_

She swipes, but it doesn’t read.

_‘7’_

Another swipe and the doorknob flash a small green

_‘6’_

Lexa enters the room

“5”

She hears Clarke then hurries the smaller corridor.

“4”

Clarke appears in front of Lexa sitting on the bed, patiently waiting.

“3”

They make eye contact and Clarke stands up.

“2”

They walk towards each other until their hands are on each other’s bodies.

“1”

Leaning in at the same time then their lips meet.

A kiss that promises to be the best for each other for the upcoming new year. A kiss that gives their all to each other no matter the hardships.

“Happy New Year, Clarke,” Lexa breaks away but barely. “I missed you,”

Clarke grins, keeping Lexa close by not letting go of her neck. “Happy New Year, Lexa. I missed you too.”

They resume their kisses, Clarke’s arms wrapped around Lexa’s shoulders and neck while Lexa kept a steady grip on Clarke’s hips. Soft, unconscious circles palms Clarke through her dress. It’s only them, the sound that each other makes, and the faint sound of fireworks that crept inside their hotel room.

They spend the first couple of minutes of the new year being engulfed with each other. Soft kisses turn desperate until Lexa feels herself being guided, back of her knees hitting the mattress and sitting down.

Slowly they break apart, finding each other’s eyes. Lexa gives a small nod. Their lips reconnect, and Lexa feels Clarke’s body slowly push her back on the mattress. “Clarke,” Lexa moans when Clarke’s kisses stray to her jaw and down to her neck. “Don’t leave a mark,”

“I don’t bite…” Clarke gently bit the side of Lexa’s neck, teasing, and careful not to mark her, “hard.”

“God, I hate you,” Lexa closes her eyes, simply savoring the feeling of intimacy with Clarke.

“Please, you love me,” Clarke grins until she stills. Both tense up then Clarke pulls back a little. “I mean… You like me.” Clarke stumbles a little bit on her words, unable to speak about Lexa’s feeling for her.

Lexa pushes a stray hair that fell off Clarke’s ear, slowly tucking it back in. “You make me feel so much, Clarke. I’m so scared, but I do love you.” Lexa never let her eyes wander away from Clarke’s. “It feels early, but my feelings for you—”

Clarke kisses Lexa to shut her up. “I love you too. We just follow our hearts. Who cares about what your head tells you about timing to say you love someone. If your heart screams for it…” Clarke smiles shyly down at Lexa. “I’m here with you, every step of the way.”

“You’re amazing,”

“You are too.”

Lexa recaptures Clarke’s lips, their kisses becoming more passionate and desperate. Lexa feels Clarke’s hands on the bottom of her dress, creeping up slowly.

“Easy, stud” Lexa laughs into the kiss. She feels Clarke’s hands quickly getting off Lexa’s body and staring at concern. “Come home with me tonight,” Lexa asks, more of a demand.

Clarke nods then giving each other a soft kiss, “Okay.”

“You get in the car first, Gustus will circle around then pick me up. I don’t want to drag you into my status. I plan on keeping you to myself for a long while,” Lexa pushes Clarke up, Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and pulls her up at the same time. “Lincoln will take your friends home”

Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s neck, pulling her in for a chaste kiss.

“Sounds perfect,” Clarke whispers.

“Alright, you go first and have some more fun with your friends before we go.” Lexa drops her hands from Clarke’s neck, slowly running down to her neck, shoulders, arms, intertwining their fingers together. “Leave at 12:45ish?”

“12:30!” Clarke argues

“Okay,” Lexa leans in for a peck on the lips then lets go of Clarke’s hands.

Clarke leaves the room and Lexa sits on the bed smiling like an idiot. She pulls out her phone and sends a couple of messages to Lincoln and Gustus about their plans to head home.

* * *

Lexa admires the beauty sleeping in front of her. She lifts a finger to stroke the piece of hair that was falling on Clarke’s face away. She didn’t retreat her finger though, she kept light touches from Clarke’ temple trailing down to her jaw slightly.

“Mmmwhat are you doing?” Clarke mutters sleepily and pushing her naked body a little bit more towards Lexa, capturing her body warmth.

“Just watching you sleep,” Lexa whispers, encouraging Clarke to sleep a little bit more. They had a couple of days to themselves so they’re not in a rush. Just being with each other was relaxing.

“Creep,” Clarke lifts her arms and wraps it around Lexa’s waist and nuzzling her face towards Lexa’s. Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke’s chest and remains merely in this intimate bliss between lovers.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel really comfy here. I’m going back to sleep,” Lexa closed her eyes and tightened her grip on Clarke. “Deal with breakfast and such later,”

“Can you sing or hum to me?”

Lexa hums a tune, one that she had just made up in her head. An aimless tune that she just continues to hum without direction.

“Best new year ever,” Clarke falls back into slumber with Lexa’s gentle hums guiding her to sleep.

* * *

Early February 2017

 **_Clarke_ ** _  
2:12 PM_

_Just got my USC med school acceptance letter!!!_

**_Lexa_ ** _  
2:12 PM_

_Congrats baby! I’m so proud of you!_

**_Clarke_ ** _  
2:12 PM_

_Celebration tonight? I’ll buy takeout after class_

**_Lexa_ ** _  
2:13 PM_

_My place? 8 tonight?_

**_Clarke_ ** _  
2:13 PM_

_See you then! Love you._

**_Lexa_ ** _  
2:13 PM_

_Love u 2_

“Lexa, come on in,” Lexa stands up along with her bag and follows the president of her record label, Marcus Kane. He has been there for Lexa since she was starting as an artist at the age of fourteen and stood by her every step of the way. “So, what do you have for me?”

Lexa watches Marcus sit down on his chair and leans back and relaxes. Lexa sits on the chair across from him and lets out a small sigh.

“I have nothing.”

“What?”

Lexa didn’t want it to come to this. The past five albums, she was on top of it. She would have songs written by now, some self-recorded demos. Not this era it seems. All she had was phrases of lyrics that didn’t go together, on top of that, she had Clarke as her inspiration to write but not the motivation to do so.

“I haven’t really written anything” Lexa licks her lips in shame, guilty that she’s not on top.

Marcus lets out a small sigh and nods his head. “It’s okay, Lexa. Look, I’ll give you an extension. You are the hardest working artist we have… no, you are the most hardest working artist out there. We all have our times”

“Actually… I was thinking of taking a break this year”

“A break?” Marcus leans forward on his desk and listens to what Lexa has to say behind her reasoning.

“Look, I already know that I’m not going to release an amazing album this year. Mediocre at best and it’s not just going to affect me; it’s going to affect your company too.” Lexa starts her first point off. “Second, I’ve been the media’s favorite source of entertainment… It’s always  _Lexa Woods this and Lexa Woods that_. None of what they say is true and I feel so degraded. Lastly, I’m so tired, Marcus.”

Lexa bites her lips to stop herself from going on a rant and start sounding desperate. She watched Marcus close his eyes, letting him take all her words in to think about the situation.

Lexa sees him nod slowly and lets out a sigh.

Marcus knows he has no choice but let his best artist take a break from all this craziness that is going on around her. Lexa deserves it after all. He knows Lexa since her teenage years and she has been the most hardworking and least problematic artist that he has.

“What do you plan on doing during your break?”

Lexa smiles to herself, she already knows. “I met someone and it’s going really great. She’s not in the industry so I plan on just keeping her to myself. Spend time on myself, my relationships, maybe go home for a little bit but ultimately, just kind of fade away from the industry until I make a return. Trust me, Marcus, I will return. I love everything about my job, my fans, my life. I just really need this for myself”

“I understand, Lexa,” Marcus starts his fingers intertwined to himself to remain composure. “I would be the asshole if I didn’t grant your request, wouldn’t I?”

“I really hope I’m making a wise decision. I want this for myself, but I don’t want to disappoint my fans.”

“Lexa, listen. You had performed in front of thousands of crowds when you were sick, not just once. You spend your award show breaks saying hi to fans on the sides. You don’t upcharge them just to meet you for five seconds, and your team personally handpicks who gets to meet you for more than just a hi and a snap. Your true fans will wait and stay. They might not know everything going on, but they will understand”

“Thank you, Marcus, I really needed to hear that.”

“So, when do you plan on just… disappearing?”

“After Grammy’s most likely. After that, I’m taking down my social media and just blacking out”

“Alright. Best of luck to you. If you ever need anything, you know I’m here”

Lexa gives Marcus one last ‘thank you’ and walks out of his office and heads home.

Now that Lexa’s not stressing about pushing herself to write songs, she feels a heavy weight being lifted. She makes herself a cup of hot tea, grabs the book that she had been dying to read for the last few months, makes herself comfortable on her outdoor patio and reads until Clarke arrives.

Lexa only stood up from her seat to stretch a couple times every hour and to light up the electric bonfire to provide warmth in the chilly Los Angeles air.

Right at 8 o’clock, Lexa’s phone rings and she stands up to open the front gate for Clarke and her car to enter her property. She wouldn’t risk her going out or opening a window to ring her gate bell to be let in, that was their arrangement.

Lexa steps outside her home and to the driveway. It’s been four days since she last saw Clarke.

Lexa had been slaving herself at the studio to produce something. Clarke was at her last semester trying her best to get the best grades possible

“Hi, love,” Lexa greets after opening Clarke’s door.

“Hi, cutie,” Clarke leans up and greets Lexa in a short, sweet kiss. Clarke grabs the big, brown paper bag that Clarke pulled from her passenger seat. “Hope you like Thai take-out, it’s my favorite,”

“Oh damn, smell good,” Lexa grabs the bag from Clarke to be chivalrous and to help Clarke’s exit out of the car easier. As Clarke gets out, one hand holds the paper bag and the other grabs Clarke’s hand immediately and just intimately walks inside Lexa’s home and towards the kitchen.

“How was your week?” Lexa asks as she lets go of Clarke’s hand and drops the take-out on the countertop. Lexa starts to pull out plates and utensils from her cabinets.

“Just been stressing about my first exam coming up next week. The acceptance letter is the highlight of my week. God, I’m starving,” Clarke pulls out a chair and starts pulling out the contained food and opening its contents.

“Yeah? Where were you when you opened the letter?” Lexa puts both their plates and utensils in front of them.

“In the library, I was reorganizing my notes when I got a notification.” Clarke starts grabbing some pad thai to her plate and then putting some on Lexa’s plate as well. “I was so nervous about opening the letter. Took me a good 10 minutes just staring at the heading,”

“I’m so proud of you,” Lexa goes behind Clarke and wraps her arms around her and kisses her cheek. “My smart, hardworking, future doctor” Lexa lowers his lips and tickles Clarke’s neck with her lips.

Clarke starts laughing at Lexa’s kisses.

“I really am proud of you, Clarke,” Lexa pulls back and gives her a sweet, passionate kiss to celebrate Clarke’s success.

“Sap.” Clarke pulls back a little bit, still dreamy from the kiss. “Come on, food is getting cold”

Lexa pulls up a chair and sets it right next to Clarke and start eating their food domestically.

“What about you? What have you been up to this week? Any progress in the studio?”

“Not really…” Lexa starts, she plays with her skewer, thinking about how to segway her plans about taking a break for a while. “Actually, I didn’t really go to the studio today”

“No? What did you do today then?”

“I talked to the president of my label.” Lexa drops her skewer and faces Clarke, “I asked for a break. Like a long break away from the media.”

Clarke stared at Lexa with wide eyes, “What? Really? How come?”

“I don’t know… Well, I do know. I’m tired. Media is up my ass and I want to break away from that. I want time for myself… for us”

Clarke just smiles and takes Lexa’s hand to provide her support to Lexa’s decision. “I’m with you, whatever you plan”

“Thank you”

“What are you going to do during your break?”

“No idea… maybe this super-hot blonde I’ve been seeing,” Lexa says so casually and flirtatiously.

“Oh yeah? I’m just some blonde you’ve been seeing?”

“Nah, she has a hold on my heart,”

“As I said… you are such a sap”

They both laugh, “In all seriousness though, probably travel for pleasure instead of business. I was hoping you would come with me. Maybe during your summer vacation if you’re not busy. Just the two of us”

“I’d love that”

“Great, pick a place. Anywhere in the world”

* * *

“Everyone, tonight is now coming to an end. Massive congratulations to our winners tonight!” The Grammy host, Cage Wallace, Hollywood’s favorite  ~~asshole~~  host, starts his ending segment. He starts congratulation some of the biggest winners of the night and a little tidbit to end the show in a good note.

“Lastly, Lexa Woods, look at you, bringing home three Grammy’s tonight! Come on everyone, give it up for Lexa Woods!” The crowd applauds for Lexa’s success. “I’m sure you’ll be walking out of here with more than just three Grammy’s, I got a line of women you can write songs about next and you can thank me for your next Grammy’s speech!”  

Much of the crowd laughs but Lexa did not.

“That’s it for tonight everyone. Thank you again for tuning in and we’ll see you next year!”

Lexa gets up from her seat as soon as she can. The next thing she knows, Anya is following right behind her, trying to get her to calm down. Lexa’s personal security team, Gustus and Lincoln, follows close by behind them.

“Lexa, c’mon, hey, talk to me,” Anya reaches over to grab Lexa’s arm but Lexa swats it away. She was ready to explode but she remembers she is still in public.

“I want to go home,” Lexa desperately whispers.

“Okay, calm down. Cage is an A-list asshole, ignore him. You still have responsibilities here” Anya starts to walk with Lexa towards the exit. “You have to walk the carpet with your trophies, you still have a press conference, you have to—”

“I said I want to go home. I don’t care about any of that,” Lexa calmly whispers. The last thing she needs is more gossip with her name.

“The Recording Academy is not going to be happy about this, Lex. This will tarnish your relationship with them and you don’t want that,” Anya replies casually, making it look like they were just talking like an artist and their manager instead of making it look like an argument between them.  

“Goodnight, Anya,”

Lexa walks off with her security team.

“I’ll make sure she’s safe,” Lincoln taps Anya’s shoulder then follows Lexa.

When the car pulls up for Lexa, she enters with Gustus holding the door open for her.

Lexa leans back and sighs.

“Where to, Miss Woods?” Gustus enters the driver’s seat, looking back at her.

“Home,” Lexa quickly replies.

“No after party?”

“Not tonight,” Lexa pulls out her phone and pressed on the contacts icon to call Clarke when she remembers that she’s at work. “Actually, can you make sure we lose paparazzi and head to the bar?”

“Of course.” Gustus drives the car off.

Lexa pulls the coat that she has from the back of the car and puts it on, she grabs the extra flats that she always carries with her. She releases her hair from the high ponytail that she had and just let it out freely to help with her headache physically.

When Gustus parks at the familiar bar, she leans forward to talk to her two bodyguards. “You guys can take the rest of the night off. I’ll be fine.” Lexa gives a genuine smile to them, adding to her attempt to leave her alone for the night with her girlfriend.

“We can’t do—” Lincoln starts

“Please. I will call you if I ever need you.”

Lincoln and Gustus look at each other; they know they’re not going to win this argument against their boss.

“Alright.” Gustus says, “Keep your phone with you at all times, keep us at speed dial, don’t turn off your location—”

“I’ve heard all the rules a million times, and nothing has changed.”

“Have a good night, Miss Woods,” Gustus nods in defeat in silent agreement.

“Thank you,” Lexa steps out of the car and waves to her bodyguards before pulling the hood of her coat up and buttoning the coat to hide her dress.

Lexa enters the familiar dive bar. Empty as usual.

“Lex?” Clarke immediately spots her and goes around the bar counter and hugs Lexa. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t feel like going to the after party,”

“Are you sure it had nothing to do with Cage Wallace? You did not look happy when the camera panned to you then you got up your seat right at the very end.” Clarke points up at the bar’s TV that had the Grammy’s after show playing on the screen.

Lexa sighs, she couldn’t believe Clarke had to witness that. “Fuck, I didn’t think the camera would point to me. I’m bothered. I feel like Hollywood’s laughing stock.

“Hey, you are not. You’re the one who told me that you don’t care what they say and let them call it what they want. Ignore them.” Clarke starts her rant. “They don’t know you the way you do,”

Lexa smiles, “Thank you. I needed that.”

“Come on, let’s get some alcohol in you.” Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and pulls a stool for her to sit and goes around the bar and pulls out a glass of champagne. Clarke pushes the skinny glass towards Lexa, “congrats on the three Grammy’s, by the way.”

Lexa just raises the glass to herself and Clarke.

“Oh, I almost forgot to ask you,” Lexa puts her glass down. “Is it okay if I go home with you tonight?”

“My apartment?” Clarke asks for confirmation

Lexa nods in affirmation, “if it’s okay with you.”

“Of course, just don’t judge how messy my room is,” Clarke laughs at herself.

Lexa pulls out her phone and opens her notes app that had random phrases.

_‘Starry eyes sparkin’ up my darkest night’_

“Inspiration?” Clarke leans over the counter to see what Lexa wrote but Lexa just locks her phone and drinks her champagne.

“Maybe, but you can’t see,”

“Tease,” Clarke pouts.

“One day, I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs used this chapter:
> 
> Dress - Taylor Swift  
> Call It What You Want - Taylor Swift
> 
> just re-edited some stuff. I am an idiot and put the wrong years.   
> PS. this story has a bunch of time jumps but will be in linear order.


End file.
